Microwave Death Ray or Shop at Walmart

Microwave TankGet ready for your heads to explode! The U.S. military is funding a new weapon that utilizes microwaves to deter violence called MEDUSA – Mob Excess Deterrent Using Silent Audio.  The device makes use of a “microwave auditory effect” which has been well-documented by scientists in the laboratory. Microwave beams aimed at pitchfork wielding activists or enemy combatants interact with the bones in the skull to create a debilitating, screaming noise. One might imagine MEDUSA having a “crispy flesh” side-effect, but the real damage could result from the high-intensity shock waves rocking around your brain, causing permanent neurological damage. If the microwave is used at low power, it may also be possible to transmit auditory messages directly into the skulls of consumers. While the messages would be too faint to be picked up by conscious minds, they could wreak havoc on the subconscious, causing you to yearn for a Coke from the local Walmart for no discernible reason. I hope they don’t sell this technology to advertisers: subconscious spam would ensure the downfall of humanity. Think about it, everyone (including women) getting thousands of Viagra ads beamed directly into their heads 80 times a day.

What evil hath we wrought upon ourselves?!


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